Dear Headmaster

I believe the school hours should change as it will make a positive impact to pupils’ education and behaviour. This will make a difference because teenagers cannot sleep as the hormone melatonin, the hormone that makes us feel tired, isn’t produced till late at night so they will be up all night. This can damage our education as in the morning teenagers are tired so they can’t concentrate at school.

I know this because we have been reading an article about the stereotypical claim that “teenagers are lazy monsters.” In this article, the author challenges this quote with two experiments about the ‘darkness’ hormone, melatonin. They experiment to find when the hormone is released into the body in a child and a teenagers, they did this twice and the results changed.

In this experiment, the scientist watched a child and a teenager live a normal day and at night  they saw what time they became tired. Their oberservations told them that the child becomes sleepy at 8pm (yawning and unable to keep their eye’s open) but the teenager doesn’t have these symptoms till midnight. Although, they did the experiment again and the child feels tired at 8pm but the teenager has the same time these effects take place, as the child. This shows that not all teenagers have this effect.

This experiment has shown that the hormone is why many teenagers are lazy. Does that mean teenagers should still be seen as lazy? Many teenagers don’t like have this reputation for being lazy and criminals just because sterotypes take one bad person as a role model and decide that they are like every teenagers. This give every teenager a bad reputation.

But many teenagers are not like this they try hard for good grades and great jobs. Then their work is runied by this reputation. It has given teens trouble with jobs as many managers are being unfair and sterotypical. If the school hours change this will help teenagers have a better eduction and a better life, even if it starts early the present things can change our future.

The hours of school should change because the experiment shows that some teenagers have trouble with late night, early mornings. This can damage their eduction because in the morning teenagers are tired and struggle to constraint. That means that their grades will have a massive decrease and will misbehave a lot.

In America, one school has change their hours because of the change of the production of melatonin, with most students. This change had led to most of the teenagers being ‘lazy monsters’ (with F) to happy teenagers with A stars. This change to the school hours could change our grades.

The stereotypical claim “Teenagers are lazy monsters” it says teenagers are monsters but why monsters they don’t go around killing and terroring people. Although some teenagers chose the wrong path and join gangs but not all teenagers join gangs so the stereotypical claim that “teenagers are lazy monsters” is false.

This claim that teenagers are monsters make other teens not want to be called a teenager. Teenagers are stereotypically said to get pregnant and smoke drugs. In another text we read it was about a teenagers not wanting to be called a teenager because of this stereotypical claim that ” teenagers are lazy monsters.”

To conclude, the change of time the melatonin is produced, the statement “Teenagers are lazy monsters” is false because most teens cannot sleep till late at night. If the school hours were changed, I believe most students would have a better eduction.

Yours sincerely
Dylan Wynne

Join the conversation! 2 Comments

  1. Dylan,

    This is a good first/second draft. You argument is generally clear in places and you have tried to include evidence of research that would support your point.

    Targets:
    1) Vary your vocabulary and sentence structures – how many times have you use the word ‘because’ throughout your piece?
    2) Your still not quite there with the perfect paragraph badge
    http://achieve.community.edutronic.net/stage-one-writing/perfect-paragraph/
    How will you meet this criteria?
    3) It seems in places that you have tried to do both set tasks rather than one – this can be problematic for your structure – how will you change this?

    Reply
  2. Nearly there, but you still have a few changes to make in order to get your next two badges.

    1) Your still not quite there with the perfect paragraph badge – aim to re-draft one paragraph
    http://achieve.community.edutronic.net/stage-one-writing/perfect-paragraph/
    How will you meet this criteria?
    2) Avoid starting sentences with conjunctions (and, but, also, because)
    3) Be consistent with your use of tense (Look at your third paragraph, as this becomes a little confusing).

    Reply

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